Jo Ann did great with this assignment and i feel she got a lot out of it. we began by her venting a little about some circumstances in her life. This, i feel, for her ties into what she wants to get out of these assignments, a way of learning to be okay and except certain circumstances and move on from them.
She did the assignment on her front porch, a place she said she used to visit frequently, but as of lately, hasn't had the time. Something i understood completely. She hit on something i feel is extremely important. She felt and sensed that she was where she needed to be, where she should be. She went further to discuss how that is true for the here and now, being summer time. She broke down her present self and looked at it as where she should be at this time, not necessarily worrying about the future. This is something that i think is important to do every now and then.
I asked her about his future potential self though and what she thought about it.I could tell she had an idea of what she wanted, but didnt want to set specifics. She mentioned how she didnt want her past experiences to affect how she saw her future and b/c of the recent realization of being ok in the here and now, she was in the mode of sensing about just that and not narrow her options of the future. she felt she will be where she is meant to be. There is no better feeling than that. Although she did mention a few things that she wished for her next job. one being a non profit organization, due to her current job stress being in part due to how financial difficulties are affecting worker benefits and pay. She wished for money to not be an issue where she works. I shared my sentiments.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
4th Coachee call
I really liked this weeks assignment and more importantly this weeks call with Rachel. We have a lot in common and our conversations flow. She helps me to put into perspective a lot of what i say as well as keeps my thoughts organized. I have a lot of respect for her and what she does.
As far as our conversation we began talking about my 15 minutes of solidarity. I expressed how i wish i could have gone further out in nature, but had to settle with my back porch. I have done a lot of hiking and camping throughout my life and have had these solidarity experiences before, so this was not new to me. I haven't done it in a while though, so it was a nice reminder how productive for the soul they can be.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this SELF, but enjoyed doing it outside. I came to realizations that i have before, yet touched on some other areas that i didn't in the past. I acknowledged the fact that since i was a kid all i wanted to do was help (be it people, animals, earth). Even though i find this cliche, there is something deep in that most people have this yearning. That we all find ourselves with this purpose is something that cant be explained.
I brought up a couple things regarding making people happy such as how it is part a self fish b/c in turn it makes you happy. I always loved this fact, it keeps you grounded, which i feel is important, and keeps you from creating this ego of being this omni-benevolent.
I also wanted to touch on how much harder it has gotten to make people happy and wanted to discuss two possibilities why i felt this way. One being that as we get older, our standards of what we feel makes someone happy rise. the other being that as others get older, their standards of happiness increased.
Rachel agreed and added that as we get older our lives become more complex and we may not be open to being happy as easily we did when we were younger. I made a connection between how now it may not be the tangible ways (i.e. helping someone pay their mortgage) that we are able to make people happy, but instead on another, more emotional level (i.e. being there for them and helping them to accept their current situation and help them find a solution) We discussed this subject, both of us reflecting on how helping people is something we feel passionate about.
Even though we didn't specifically address the question of my future potential self, we ended up hitting on it, now that i reflect on the conversation. we began discussing how important it was not get "hung up" on making others happy, and be okay in ourselves being unhappy, being that (in a circle of like thing) someone one needs to be unhappy if another is to fulfill their purpose/desire to make some one happy. also that one cannot know happiness if they do not experience unhappiness. Like how one cannot know light exists unless they experience darkness.
This addressed my future potential self by how i wish to become okay with unhappiness and not allow for these emotions to negatively impact my life. I touched on how i went through a time in my life where i was unhappy, depressed even, and how i set forth a mission to only be happy in order to keep myself wanting to continue on with my life. ( I used to be in a pretty bad place, but am much better now) But how i went from one extreme (unhappiness) to excepting nothing less than happiness. This was unhealthy for many reasons. One being that I was setting myself up for failure by setting such a high standard of 24 hour happiness. Two being I became selfish in my quest for happiness, pushing away those that really affected my happiness. The pendulum now is back to the middle, where i am still learning how to be okay with being unhappy, and in fact, feel even more connected and purpose driven in this unhappiness.
I am not sure that she new this future potential self was addressed, as i didn't even know until reflecting on our discussion. But its pretty cool how our conversation flow like this and we end up hitting all all areas, without even trying.
NOt to make this post even longer ;], but we also discussed the conversation i had were i presented myself. It ended up not being with someone not close to me, in fact it ended up being with my staff, and more importantly, at least consciously, it wasn't planned. long story short i ended up sharing with them at a more personal and vulnerable level, on a topic that was uncomfortable to me (money). without going into specifics, by allowing myself to be present, suspend my initial thoughts on how i wanted to address the issue, really see where they were coming from, and sharing those feelings of uncomfortability and fear of being let down, my staff began seeing the subject from my perspective at the same time expressing there view point. It turns out they now agree with what i was asking and found a oneness as a group. We are closer to seeing ourselves as one unit, where we are there for each other and help out when needed. more importantly that we can share what we truly think/feel in a safe environment.
As far as our conversation we began talking about my 15 minutes of solidarity. I expressed how i wish i could have gone further out in nature, but had to settle with my back porch. I have done a lot of hiking and camping throughout my life and have had these solidarity experiences before, so this was not new to me. I haven't done it in a while though, so it was a nice reminder how productive for the soul they can be.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this SELF, but enjoyed doing it outside. I came to realizations that i have before, yet touched on some other areas that i didn't in the past. I acknowledged the fact that since i was a kid all i wanted to do was help (be it people, animals, earth). Even though i find this cliche, there is something deep in that most people have this yearning. That we all find ourselves with this purpose is something that cant be explained.
I brought up a couple things regarding making people happy such as how it is part a self fish b/c in turn it makes you happy. I always loved this fact, it keeps you grounded, which i feel is important, and keeps you from creating this ego of being this omni-benevolent.
I also wanted to touch on how much harder it has gotten to make people happy and wanted to discuss two possibilities why i felt this way. One being that as we get older, our standards of what we feel makes someone happy rise. the other being that as others get older, their standards of happiness increased.
Rachel agreed and added that as we get older our lives become more complex and we may not be open to being happy as easily we did when we were younger. I made a connection between how now it may not be the tangible ways (i.e. helping someone pay their mortgage) that we are able to make people happy, but instead on another, more emotional level (i.e. being there for them and helping them to accept their current situation and help them find a solution) We discussed this subject, both of us reflecting on how helping people is something we feel passionate about.
Even though we didn't specifically address the question of my future potential self, we ended up hitting on it, now that i reflect on the conversation. we began discussing how important it was not get "hung up" on making others happy, and be okay in ourselves being unhappy, being that (in a circle of like thing) someone one needs to be unhappy if another is to fulfill their purpose/desire to make some one happy. also that one cannot know happiness if they do not experience unhappiness. Like how one cannot know light exists unless they experience darkness.
This addressed my future potential self by how i wish to become okay with unhappiness and not allow for these emotions to negatively impact my life. I touched on how i went through a time in my life where i was unhappy, depressed even, and how i set forth a mission to only be happy in order to keep myself wanting to continue on with my life. ( I used to be in a pretty bad place, but am much better now) But how i went from one extreme (unhappiness) to excepting nothing less than happiness. This was unhealthy for many reasons. One being that I was setting myself up for failure by setting such a high standard of 24 hour happiness. Two being I became selfish in my quest for happiness, pushing away those that really affected my happiness. The pendulum now is back to the middle, where i am still learning how to be okay with being unhappy, and in fact, feel even more connected and purpose driven in this unhappiness.
I am not sure that she new this future potential self was addressed, as i didn't even know until reflecting on our discussion. But its pretty cool how our conversation flow like this and we end up hitting all all areas, without even trying.
NOt to make this post even longer ;], but we also discussed the conversation i had were i presented myself. It ended up not being with someone not close to me, in fact it ended up being with my staff, and more importantly, at least consciously, it wasn't planned. long story short i ended up sharing with them at a more personal and vulnerable level, on a topic that was uncomfortable to me (money). without going into specifics, by allowing myself to be present, suspend my initial thoughts on how i wanted to address the issue, really see where they were coming from, and sharing those feelings of uncomfortability and fear of being let down, my staff began seeing the subject from my perspective at the same time expressing there view point. It turns out they now agree with what i was asking and found a oneness as a group. We are closer to seeing ourselves as one unit, where we are there for each other and help out when needed. more importantly that we can share what we truly think/feel in a safe environment.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
3rd Coachee
This coaching session was nice and very enjoyable. I actually found myself talking with Rachel, not even thinking about the questions set forth in the assignment, but still addressing them through both mine and Rachel’s passion for inquiry and emotional understanding. She is amazing as a coach.
I did a lot of thinking about the assignment before we spoke. I was able to come to the conclusion that what I was struggling with was outward suspension. I not only struggled with mustering up the confidence to be vulnerable, but also finding a way so that when I expressed my I-I statement, it didn’t come off as patronizing or possibly offensive. This was something both my coachee and coach dealt with and maybe something we need to inquire more about.
After reflecting on the past weeks in this course I felt that suspending was my biggest issue. I now see that I was honing in on work where there is right and wrong with respect to our clients. I find that suspending in this environment is more difficult. I forgot how well I was able to suspend in my informal conversation and, have lately been so entranced in my career that I, forgot to apply this skill to my work. I have enjoyed bringing myself back to what I do for a living. I still need to give way to the fear that I may get taken advantage of, and in doing so may, negatively impact my job.
I did venture back to an idea I had about supplying my staff, or that person whom I am conversing with in these assignments, with some background information as to what we are trying to accomplish in this course. We are only able to know how to navigate these fields by being inter mixed with these concepts and vocabulary through this course. This allows us to come to a different understanding of what dialogue can be. I think, when not in a situation as an extreme conflict, but one common in our everyday lives, everyone must be aware and understanding of “suspending” and all other fields in order to have a deep dialogue experience. I think scheduling and sharing with our partners what we are trying to do will help the conversation go beyond field 1 and 2. I will attempt this in my next assingments and see what happens
I did a lot of thinking about the assignment before we spoke. I was able to come to the conclusion that what I was struggling with was outward suspension. I not only struggled with mustering up the confidence to be vulnerable, but also finding a way so that when I expressed my I-I statement, it didn’t come off as patronizing or possibly offensive. This was something both my coachee and coach dealt with and maybe something we need to inquire more about.
After reflecting on the past weeks in this course I felt that suspending was my biggest issue. I now see that I was honing in on work where there is right and wrong with respect to our clients. I find that suspending in this environment is more difficult. I forgot how well I was able to suspend in my informal conversation and, have lately been so entranced in my career that I, forgot to apply this skill to my work. I have enjoyed bringing myself back to what I do for a living. I still need to give way to the fear that I may get taken advantage of, and in doing so may, negatively impact my job.
I did venture back to an idea I had about supplying my staff, or that person whom I am conversing with in these assignments, with some background information as to what we are trying to accomplish in this course. We are only able to know how to navigate these fields by being inter mixed with these concepts and vocabulary through this course. This allows us to come to a different understanding of what dialogue can be. I think, when not in a situation as an extreme conflict, but one common in our everyday lives, everyone must be aware and understanding of “suspending” and all other fields in order to have a deep dialogue experience. I think scheduling and sharing with our partners what we are trying to do will help the conversation go beyond field 1 and 2. I will attempt this in my next assingments and see what happens
Monday, March 15, 2010
3rd Coaching call
Another great conversation with Jo Ann. This time I attempted to present as more of a coach and ask those questions that would require Jo Ann to reflect more. I am lucky that Jo Ann already deeply reflects in the assignment so she provides me with a lot of the information without me even having to ask questions.
I began the session with simply asking what had happened in her conversation where she attempted to suspend. What I enjoy about Jo Ann is that when she does something she really goes for it. She actually attempted to have two conversations. She mentions how she “overshot” and “undershot” in who she attempted to interact with, which I found a funny description and quite accurate as she explained. She overshot by choosing to have a conversation with someone whom she has only ever had “hostile”, “one sided” (being theirs) and “cold” interactions with and undershot by choosing someone whom she never had spoken with, except maybe an exchange of hello. The conversation with the person she “overshot” began in field 1 (politeness), at least on her part, him being not so polite, and ended in field II, very briefly. The second conversation with a person who she wished to have a deeper interaction with began and never moved on from field I (politeness)
She described both conversation being a let down and went into explaining what happened in each. At first you would think anything was accomplished. Then I ask her what, if anything, could she find to take away from the conversations focusing on what and why they never amounted to what she wished they would. She mentioned how sometimes its good to know who you can communicate with and who you cant. She says now she can point out those people who will only stay polite or those who aren’t comfortable going past the talking touch stage. She mentioned that she can now acknowledge those people, especially those “hostile” people and by doing so achieve a level of acceptance of “who” they were and an understanding that she didn’t cause them to act that way and, in the same note, cannot change their behavior, but only her own.
Sadly she said how, in regards to the talking tough co-worker, she felt happy just being able to simply maintain neutrality in the conversation. He sounds not like the kindest man and we both laughed how in fact she did overshoot this one. ;]
I asked her what, if anything, would she have changed about the conversations. She mentions something that I addressed in a personal e-mail to Olen. She felt that if she would have, prior to the conversation, shared with them what she was trying to do, then maybe, they would have been prepared to come into and interact in a deeper way, with shared expectations. Instead she felt she simply bombarded them and felt how should/could they have known something more/different would/could have come out of the interaction then what usually has occurred in the past. I understood this completely thinking back to a few weeks ago when we began coaching. I couldn’t help thinking how, when I attempted to coach my staff through our weekly meetings, that it may help more if I shared with them, what I was learning in the course, so that a) they were too equipped with tools that would help them understand why certain meetings get no where and b) would be part of what I was trying to do and not my subjects that I was keeping this from. I think Jo Ann was correct in that she should have shared this with her co-workers and allowed them in on what she was attempting to do.
I wanted to challenge Jo Ann more in this session and found that outward suspension was where she was having trouble. We tried to figure out why and came to one conclusion, as Olen does as well, that the thought of being that vulnerable is scary.
We then ended the conversation discussion what she could do to better understand and be better at suspending. Jo Ann came up with a couple things. One is that she felt writing about your inward suspension thoughts. Another is that possibly silence could be a way of her outwardly suspending, where she doesn’t have to say anything per say. This silence would be a way of showing another that you are acknowledging their opinion. I thought these were awesome ways to grow in suspending.
I began the session with simply asking what had happened in her conversation where she attempted to suspend. What I enjoy about Jo Ann is that when she does something she really goes for it. She actually attempted to have two conversations. She mentions how she “overshot” and “undershot” in who she attempted to interact with, which I found a funny description and quite accurate as she explained. She overshot by choosing to have a conversation with someone whom she has only ever had “hostile”, “one sided” (being theirs) and “cold” interactions with and undershot by choosing someone whom she never had spoken with, except maybe an exchange of hello. The conversation with the person she “overshot” began in field 1 (politeness), at least on her part, him being not so polite, and ended in field II, very briefly. The second conversation with a person who she wished to have a deeper interaction with began and never moved on from field I (politeness)
She described both conversation being a let down and went into explaining what happened in each. At first you would think anything was accomplished. Then I ask her what, if anything, could she find to take away from the conversations focusing on what and why they never amounted to what she wished they would. She mentioned how sometimes its good to know who you can communicate with and who you cant. She says now she can point out those people who will only stay polite or those who aren’t comfortable going past the talking touch stage. She mentioned that she can now acknowledge those people, especially those “hostile” people and by doing so achieve a level of acceptance of “who” they were and an understanding that she didn’t cause them to act that way and, in the same note, cannot change their behavior, but only her own.
Sadly she said how, in regards to the talking tough co-worker, she felt happy just being able to simply maintain neutrality in the conversation. He sounds not like the kindest man and we both laughed how in fact she did overshoot this one. ;]
I asked her what, if anything, would she have changed about the conversations. She mentions something that I addressed in a personal e-mail to Olen. She felt that if she would have, prior to the conversation, shared with them what she was trying to do, then maybe, they would have been prepared to come into and interact in a deeper way, with shared expectations. Instead she felt she simply bombarded them and felt how should/could they have known something more/different would/could have come out of the interaction then what usually has occurred in the past. I understood this completely thinking back to a few weeks ago when we began coaching. I couldn’t help thinking how, when I attempted to coach my staff through our weekly meetings, that it may help more if I shared with them, what I was learning in the course, so that a) they were too equipped with tools that would help them understand why certain meetings get no where and b) would be part of what I was trying to do and not my subjects that I was keeping this from. I think Jo Ann was correct in that she should have shared this with her co-workers and allowed them in on what she was attempting to do.
I wanted to challenge Jo Ann more in this session and found that outward suspension was where she was having trouble. We tried to figure out why and came to one conclusion, as Olen does as well, that the thought of being that vulnerable is scary.
We then ended the conversation discussion what she could do to better understand and be better at suspending. Jo Ann came up with a couple things. One is that she felt writing about your inward suspension thoughts. Another is that possibly silence could be a way of her outwardly suspending, where she doesn’t have to say anything per say. This silence would be a way of showing another that you are acknowledging their opinion. I thought these were awesome ways to grow in suspending.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Awareness of emotion and thought
Thursday/Friday- Awareness of your emotions and thoughts
***I tied these two together b/c for me they are one in the same. In the sense that my thoughts usually create my emotions (i.e. how I perceive a situation will effect how I feel about it)
I do have to say I am pretty invested in my emotions. I tend to try to use them as a tool to grow, instead of simply just feel. I know that sometimes you need to just feel, without question, and this is an area I need to grow in. There is just something amazing in questioning yourself (with balance so as to not lose yourself), and questioning “why” you feel something. I think people think if they question themselves, they aren’t allowing their thoughts/feelings to be validated. But to me it’s the exact opposite. It is important to express what you feel, but afterwards think and truly become aware of those feelings/thoughts. Once you get used to this then I think it becomes easier to do it in the moment. What I take from suspending yourself, is allowing yourself to a) realize/be aware of what you think/feel and b) from that awareness develop an understanding that you can extend those thoughts/feelings by listening to others possibilities. Also develop your own alternate possibilities.
It’s hard to balance validating your emotions and realizing that you control/create them, as the majority of emotions are learned from past experiences. The actual emotion is not learned, but “when” those emotions arise, is learned
For me anger is the emotion I get tangled up in, b/c this is, for me, the most intense emotion I can feel and NOT be able to release in the moment (societal constraints on just yelling out loud). Sadness to me is intense as well, but I can release it by crying b/c it is a socially acceptable response (at least for women, but has become more acceptable for men. I personally never cared) But anger is not as socially acceptable to be released. At least the release, I have learned to express my anger and feel a release from, (i.e. yelling) is not socially acceptable. I do know that there are other ways to release anger, but for some reason, physical exertion feels the most raw and real. That’s a whole other topic…
I truly believe that “anger is love disappointed” (A corny lyric in a corny song I know), so sadness is probably the true emotion you are feeling, but anger is real and innate, so one has to release it in some way that is just as NATURAL and true as crying (and not just going to the gym and running, which I feel doesn’t really allow you to released in the moment, although it may work for some)
Back to how emotions relate to dialogue:
I feel an awareness of your emotions is needed to truly engage in generative dialogue. When one is not aware of their emotions, they will more then likely engage in talking tough. They may feel a surge of emotion, not be able to express it, and lead themselves into dialogue that allows for them to have some sort of control (something they lost in their inability in understand and express their emotion). This leads to people spitting out facts and downloading things they have control over b/c they know them to be true.
If can become more aware of our thoughts and how they affect our emotions…If we can realize we have more control over our emotions and thoughts and not allow ourselves to become victims of them…..We can think about and try to listen to ourselves more, shift and/or grow from how we feel, except possibilities, and not feel the need to be validated by others.
***I tied these two together b/c for me they are one in the same. In the sense that my thoughts usually create my emotions (i.e. how I perceive a situation will effect how I feel about it)
I do have to say I am pretty invested in my emotions. I tend to try to use them as a tool to grow, instead of simply just feel. I know that sometimes you need to just feel, without question, and this is an area I need to grow in. There is just something amazing in questioning yourself (with balance so as to not lose yourself), and questioning “why” you feel something. I think people think if they question themselves, they aren’t allowing their thoughts/feelings to be validated. But to me it’s the exact opposite. It is important to express what you feel, but afterwards think and truly become aware of those feelings/thoughts. Once you get used to this then I think it becomes easier to do it in the moment. What I take from suspending yourself, is allowing yourself to a) realize/be aware of what you think/feel and b) from that awareness develop an understanding that you can extend those thoughts/feelings by listening to others possibilities. Also develop your own alternate possibilities.
It’s hard to balance validating your emotions and realizing that you control/create them, as the majority of emotions are learned from past experiences. The actual emotion is not learned, but “when” those emotions arise, is learned
For me anger is the emotion I get tangled up in, b/c this is, for me, the most intense emotion I can feel and NOT be able to release in the moment (societal constraints on just yelling out loud). Sadness to me is intense as well, but I can release it by crying b/c it is a socially acceptable response (at least for women, but has become more acceptable for men. I personally never cared) But anger is not as socially acceptable to be released. At least the release, I have learned to express my anger and feel a release from, (i.e. yelling) is not socially acceptable. I do know that there are other ways to release anger, but for some reason, physical exertion feels the most raw and real. That’s a whole other topic…
I truly believe that “anger is love disappointed” (A corny lyric in a corny song I know), so sadness is probably the true emotion you are feeling, but anger is real and innate, so one has to release it in some way that is just as NATURAL and true as crying (and not just going to the gym and running, which I feel doesn’t really allow you to released in the moment, although it may work for some)
Back to how emotions relate to dialogue:
I feel an awareness of your emotions is needed to truly engage in generative dialogue. When one is not aware of their emotions, they will more then likely engage in talking tough. They may feel a surge of emotion, not be able to express it, and lead themselves into dialogue that allows for them to have some sort of control (something they lost in their inability in understand and express their emotion). This leads to people spitting out facts and downloading things they have control over b/c they know them to be true.
If can become more aware of our thoughts and how they affect our emotions…If we can realize we have more control over our emotions and thoughts and not allow ourselves to become victims of them…..We can think about and try to listen to ourselves more, shift and/or grow from how we feel, except possibilities, and not feel the need to be validated by others.
Awareness of body and breathing
Tuesday- Awareness of body and breathing
**I tied these two together b/c i feel they closely related in my experiences. Breathing although takes on a physiological form which is awesome in itself
It was interesting how this subject changed for me, or at least took two different meanings for me. Being aware of my body at first, for me, meant how my body affects others (i.e. my body language). Not to psychoanalyze myself, but thinking why I automatically went to how others are affected, is a theme in my life. One that has its pros and cons. Cons being that I can loose myself and my voice in what I feel is better for others, or what I assume is better for others. I have gotten insanely better at being able to be true to myself while maintaining awareness of others feelings and thoughts, but sometimes I can let that get away and only focus on myself or others. It is a difficult balance, but one that I feel is important to strike.
So as I came home I wrote about the different ways I held myself in conversation and how it affected those around me, either making them feel less like they had to talk tough to feel like I was listening or feel like they could relax knowing I was taking in all that they were saying.
It wasn’t until reading some of the threads that I began thinking about how an awareness of my body could mean something different. So on Saturday, I began being aware of how I walked to and from stores. How I opened a door, sat down and ordered a sandwich. At the same time I even began becoming more aware of my breathing. I started breathing the correct way, as Olen describes in his post and how various people have taught me. I almost became more relaxed and more present. I started to feel more comfortable and, contrary to what I thought, more aware of my surroundings. At first I thought if I were to be aware of my body and breathing that I would lose all awareness of others and my surroundings. The odd thing was that the opposite occurred.
As I went home last night and thought about why I didn’t loose awareness of my surroundings and others, I felt I came to an understanding. For me at least, I am all too aware of my surroundings. In fact I take in too much observation and more times then not, am not able to weed out the important ones, or the information that will allow for meaningful and honest thought and expression. Sometimes I end up getting stuck on something that is not helpful at all and it takes over the big picture. By becoming aware of my body and breathing I was able better filter out my interpretations of what was going on and instead really see and hear and well, “sense”, what was going on. Olen’s description “Commitment to in-the-moment reflection grows and what is unfolding in the present moment is more compelling than simply downloading our past thoughts. Meaning is discovered and begins to flow,” says it best.
Breathing for me also took on another meaningful experience in itself. I find it simply calms you and allows you to just be OKAY with what is going on. There is a quote I like that I feel explains what I am saying. “True peace is not distance from the storm, but calmness within the storm”. I don’t want to beat a dead horse over the head, so I will leave it at that. I could talk about his all day if I wanted ;]
**I tied these two together b/c i feel they closely related in my experiences. Breathing although takes on a physiological form which is awesome in itself
It was interesting how this subject changed for me, or at least took two different meanings for me. Being aware of my body at first, for me, meant how my body affects others (i.e. my body language). Not to psychoanalyze myself, but thinking why I automatically went to how others are affected, is a theme in my life. One that has its pros and cons. Cons being that I can loose myself and my voice in what I feel is better for others, or what I assume is better for others. I have gotten insanely better at being able to be true to myself while maintaining awareness of others feelings and thoughts, but sometimes I can let that get away and only focus on myself or others. It is a difficult balance, but one that I feel is important to strike.
So as I came home I wrote about the different ways I held myself in conversation and how it affected those around me, either making them feel less like they had to talk tough to feel like I was listening or feel like they could relax knowing I was taking in all that they were saying.
It wasn’t until reading some of the threads that I began thinking about how an awareness of my body could mean something different. So on Saturday, I began being aware of how I walked to and from stores. How I opened a door, sat down and ordered a sandwich. At the same time I even began becoming more aware of my breathing. I started breathing the correct way, as Olen describes in his post and how various people have taught me. I almost became more relaxed and more present. I started to feel more comfortable and, contrary to what I thought, more aware of my surroundings. At first I thought if I were to be aware of my body and breathing that I would lose all awareness of others and my surroundings. The odd thing was that the opposite occurred.
As I went home last night and thought about why I didn’t loose awareness of my surroundings and others, I felt I came to an understanding. For me at least, I am all too aware of my surroundings. In fact I take in too much observation and more times then not, am not able to weed out the important ones, or the information that will allow for meaningful and honest thought and expression. Sometimes I end up getting stuck on something that is not helpful at all and it takes over the big picture. By becoming aware of my body and breathing I was able better filter out my interpretations of what was going on and instead really see and hear and well, “sense”, what was going on. Olen’s description “Commitment to in-the-moment reflection grows and what is unfolding in the present moment is more compelling than simply downloading our past thoughts. Meaning is discovered and begins to flow,” says it best.
Breathing for me also took on another meaningful experience in itself. I find it simply calms you and allows you to just be OKAY with what is going on. There is a quote I like that I feel explains what I am saying. “True peace is not distance from the storm, but calmness within the storm”. I don’t want to beat a dead horse over the head, so I will leave it at that. I could talk about his all day if I wanted ;]
Monday, March 1, 2010
2nd Coaching Call
This second call with my coachee was pretty cool. She was having issues with the "PH.D's" in her work, which (and may I say unfortuantly) a lot of workers feel the same way towards. If I may…. it is when one knows too much that they forget what they don’t know. It’s just simply an aura one has. Has nothing to do with intelligence. Both sides are right. One wants to teach the other what they know, and the other is still learning what THEY need to know. It requires BOTH parties to suspend.
She hits on a lot in her blog. We did discuss this “taboo” subject, sexual rights of residents. I allowed her to give her opinion on the subject, which I can completely agree with. I feel she touches on, a very reflective aspect of our conversation. (quote)--“I have to assume the rule of opposer, and although I have been practicing this for years, it is still very uncomfortable for me. I find that we may find ourselves in these roles, when we don’t even want to or feel comfortable with being in them
Reflecting on the call as a coach, I wish to could have touched on more things and brought more questions to the table, that would have pushed her to think more reflectively about what she was talking about. I think I will try and take notes next time, like my coach did, in order for me to reference when something catches my attention. I think I need to be more comfortable taking the role of the coach. I think next time I will trust the role more and allow myself to ask those questions that I think could help my coachee dig deeper. For example, I should have asked her, “what exactly about the role of opposer makes you feel uncomfortable” “Are there past experiences that lead you to feel this way” “How, if possible, could you re-think the role so that it makes you feel more comfortable”
I did though, ask her to push the envelope a little further and attempt having dialogue with someone whom you don’t normally share a creative dialogue with. In this try and engage in a different role and see what happens. We did though touch on the fact that maybe your boss is not the way to go at first. I joked with her that it may be better to do these assignment with someone that can’t get you fired ;] We both laughed and agreed.
She hits on a lot in her blog. We did discuss this “taboo” subject, sexual rights of residents. I allowed her to give her opinion on the subject, which I can completely agree with. I feel she touches on, a very reflective aspect of our conversation. (quote)--“I have to assume the rule of opposer, and although I have been practicing this for years, it is still very uncomfortable for me. I find that we may find ourselves in these roles, when we don’t even want to or feel comfortable with being in them
Reflecting on the call as a coach, I wish to could have touched on more things and brought more questions to the table, that would have pushed her to think more reflectively about what she was talking about. I think I will try and take notes next time, like my coach did, in order for me to reference when something catches my attention. I think I need to be more comfortable taking the role of the coach. I think next time I will trust the role more and allow myself to ask those questions that I think could help my coachee dig deeper. For example, I should have asked her, “what exactly about the role of opposer makes you feel uncomfortable” “Are there past experiences that lead you to feel this way” “How, if possible, could you re-think the role so that it makes you feel more comfortable”
I did though, ask her to push the envelope a little further and attempt having dialogue with someone whom you don’t normally share a creative dialogue with. In this try and engage in a different role and see what happens. We did though touch on the fact that maybe your boss is not the way to go at first. I joked with her that it may be better to do these assignment with someone that can’t get you fired ;] We both laughed and agreed.
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